Letters to write home about

Despite the near-identical penmanship, this is not my writing. No, this gem was found tacked to the "loundry" room door of my building over the weekend.

Now, if I were writing an actual ad for the National Institute for Literacy, it would have NOTHING on this letter. There's simply no way anyone who can actually read at a fourth grade level could spell "because" as "bicos". Aren't those the little bacon thingies you put on salad? Wow. Sparks of genius like this only come from the idiot savants, I suppose.

Anyway, "tank-you" (probably illegal) immigrant maintenance man for inspiring me to add another campaign to my portfolio. The "clouged" drain is well worth the inconvenience.

Not even Jelly of the Month Club

The company I work for did so well this year that they decided not to give out holiday bonuses.
At all.
Which they waited until TODAY to tell us.
Did I mention they had a GREAT year?
...WTF.
I don't get it either so here's a video to sum up my confusion and disappointment (skip to about the 3:30 mark for main course).
Hallelujah, holy shit- Where's the Tylenol?

"Rod Blaga...Blago...Nagonna work here anymore, anyway."

payment options include campaign contributions, bullet-proof briefcases full of cash and paypal.

and yes, that is an Office Space reference.